


Remember me

by ElmOak1991



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Heatbreak, Loss, M/M, MCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 18:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8024773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmOak1991/pseuds/ElmOak1991
Summary: This is a one shot based of a video i saw. Dean as fallen out of love with Cas, and ask for a divorce. Cas gives Dean to conditions, one of which is reasonably, while the other is completely absurd. Regardless, Dean agrees, after all, in a months time he would be free of Cas. Cas on the other hand has a plan, and a secrete of his own. Can he save his marriage? And if so, how log would he and Dean have before his secrete claims his life?





	Remember me

"Are you sure?" Cas asked the doctor, as his mind and heart began to race. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn't be. What would he tell Dean? How could he possibly explain this to the kids?

 

"I'm so very sorry, but we are sure. The cancer is advanced, but you do have options. Just understand that your chances for survival are low." The doctor paused, giving Cas time to process. He then proceeded to give Cas a rundown of his options. How these things would affect him. Which ones he felt were the best chances of survival.

 

Cas on the other hand was finding it hard to pay attention. His life was flashing before his eyes. Childhood memories. Graduating high school. Meeting Dean in college, and falling crazily in love with him. Their marriage. Struggling to adopt. Finally getting to adopt Dylan. Dean getting a promotion at work, Cas getting the teaching job at Chase Elementary. Adopting Bailee.

 

"Mr. Winchester?" the doctor said, his tone soft. "I know that this is all a shock, but if you do nothing you only have months.

 

"But if I do the Chemo and the other treatments I could spend my last month's sick." Cas shook his head. "I just need a day or two. I want to talk to my husband."

 

"Of course. Just come back in whenever you're ready."

 

As Cas got into his car, his stomach was full of knots. He couldn’t help but worry for Dean. This news was going to crush him, but not telling him would be even worse.

……………………………………….

 

Dean sat parked in front of his house. With his windows down he could hear the base of his son's loud music. The subtle thud, thud, thud, both annoying and comforting. He could see Bailee playing with her doll house from the living room window. Every now and again he would see Cas walk by, and his heart would sink.

 

He didn’t want to do this, but lying to Cas wasn't fair. After ten years of marriage, and fifteen years of being together, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Cas, but the sad truth was he was no longer in love with Cas. He loved him, sure, but that spark wasn't there. He had no desire to rush home at night. He had no desire to buy Cas gifts, or do anything nice for him. It had been over a year since they've been on a date, and five months since they've had sex. Hell, they didn’t even kiss of the lips anymore. If there was a kiss goodbye, it was always a quick peck on the cheek, and they hardly ever did that.

 

None of this was Cas' fault thought. Dean was to blame. He hadn’t meant to fall in love with Shawn, it had just happened. They had been having an emotional affair for months, and Dean couldn’t stay away any longer. He had to end things with Cas so he could be free to love Shawn. But loving another, didn’t mean ending your marriage was easy.

 

Once inside, Dean found Cas in the kitchen. He was cooking dinner, and Dean took a minute to watch him. To try and feel even an ounce of that spark he had once felt. No. Nothing. Nada.

 

The evening went as it always did. Dinner. Homework. Showers. Arguing with Dylan to clean his room. Then the kids were in bed. Dean left Bailee's room, and knew that Cas would be unloading the dishwasher. "You've been quite all night," Cas said to him as he walked into the kitchen.

 

"I've had a lot to think about," Dean replied, taking a stack of plates Cas had put on the counter, and put them away. He closed the cabinet and faced Cas. "I want a divorce." Dean watched as Cas dropped the cup he was holding. The thing dropped to the floor and shattered. How ironic, Dean thought as he looked at the broken cup.

 

Cas looked at Dean, his blue eyes deepened with sorrow. Dean braced himself. He had expected anger. Tears. Some kind of reaction. Anything at all. But Cas just looked tired. Without a word, he walked away. Dean watched him go, feeling a little angry. Yeah, it was shitty that he was mad that this didn't hurt Cas as much as he thought would, but it did. Did this relationship mean nothing to both of them? Dean rubbed his face. He would have to talk to Cas about it again tomorrow. He needed Cas to know he was serious. This marriage was over.

………………………………………

 

The next night after the kids were in bed, Cas found Dean in the dining room. Dean had gotten home late. Again. Cas understood that Dean was serious. Dean never said anything that big with haste. He was also sure he knew the why of it, but he needed to hear it anyway.

 

"Why?" Cas asked. Dean stiffened, and turned to him. He seemed at a loss for words. "Well?" Cas urged on.

 

"I'm having an affair. With Shawn." Dean replied.

 

Cas searched his features for remorse or guilt, but Dean just looked relieved.

 

"I love him." Dean shook his head, and smiled a little. It felt good to finally have that out in the open.

 

Cas couldn't stop the sob that escaped his throat. Yes, he had known about Shawn. But to hear Dean say the words out loud, and for the tone of adoration in Dean's voice made it all worse. "I see," Cas said, once he found his voice.

 

"Look, I never meant to hurt you. It just happened, and I'm just not in love with you anymore. I don’t know why, it just is. And you can keep the house. I will move out, and pay child support. I will give you whatever you want.. Just give me the divorce.

 

Cas shook his head, pain gripping his chest, and squeezing it tight. Jesus. Dean really was done. He shook his head. But I'm sick! He wanted to say. He was going to die, and now he would have to do so alone. Fear flooded him, and that made him tear up again.

 

"I'm going to bed. I really am sorry," Dean said, as he collected his papers. He looked over his shoulder as he left, and Cas had sat in the chair he had just left. He waited for some kind of emotion to stir, but the only thing Dean felt was free. 

 

Later that night, Dean woke for a glass of water. The dining room like was one, and when he went to turn it off, he discovered that Cas was still in there. He was writing something. Dean left him too it. Cas was still seated there when Dean woke for the morning. It looked like Cas hadn't slept all night, but Dean found it hard to be more than a mildly concerned. Cas would live. No one died because of a divorce.

………………………….

 

Later that night Dean came home close to midnight. He spent the day with Shawn, and almost didn’t come home at all. He wouldn't have his it hadn't been for the kids.

 

Cas was waiting up for him, and before he could say anything Cas spoke. "I don’t want your money. I don’t want your house. I don’t want anything materialistic. I have two conditions, and if you comply, I will sign the papers and be done with it."

 

"Okay…?" Dean replied.

 

"First, we don’t tell the kids until after Dylan's exams. I don’t want him taking them while upset about a separation. That's thirty days where we need to act like everything is fine. No sleeping on the couch, no being bitter to each other. Just go on as normal."

 

Dean nodded. He didn’t want to hurt Dylan either. "Of course. I want to do what's best for the kids. They're my kids too.

 

"Second, every morning you will carry me to the front door. Just like you had carried me into this house on our wedding night, you will carry me out for thirty days."

 

Dean laughed because he thought Cas was joking. Once he realized that Cas was being serious, he frowned. "You're for real?"

 

Cas shrugged. "Those are my conditions."

 

Dean could fathom why Cas wanted this, but it didn’t matter. It was nothing considering what was waiting for him in a month. Just one month, and Dean would be husbandless, and he could openly date his Shawn. "Deal," Dean said, holding out his hand. Cas took it, and the deal was sealed.

……………………………………………

 

The first couple of days of carrying Cas to the door were awkward. Both felt uncomfortable, and the kids questioned it. Dylan, who was thirteen, thought it was just plain weird. "Who does that?" he asked.

 

Bailee thought it was like a fairytale. "The princess always carried his princess," She said, a huge grin on her six year old face.

 

 

Dean just thought it was stupid. He had told Shawn of this request, and while he thought it was absurd, he agreed that Dean should just do it. In one short month, they could be together without any judgment.

 

Half way through the month however, Dean found himself comfortable with this arrangement. He and Cas now made conversation during the short walk from their bedroom to the door. Cas had started resting his head on Dean's shoulder, and Dean found that he liked that.

 

They even began hanging out at night. They talked for the first time in forever. It was like they were just meeting for the first time again.

 

By the time the last day came, it had become normal for them. Dylan now smiled while he watched his dads. Bailee was now in the habit of reminding him that he needed to go get Daddy, and carry him to the door. It was just another day here in the Winchester house.

 

Dean did as his daughter told him, and went for Cas. He was sitting on the bed, looking slightly pale. Over the last week or so Dean had thought that he was getting stronger because Cas was feeling lighter, but looking at him now, he realized that he wasn't getting stronger, Cas was getting thinner. "Ready?" Dean asked, holding his arms wide for Cas.

 

Cas looked up, and smiled. "Yes, thank you."

 

Dean bent a little, lifting Cas into his arms. He stood there a moment, just looking into those blue eyes. He was hit with a sudden sadness, and he had to clear the lump from his throat. Dean took Cas to the front door, but found he didn’t want to put Cas down. He felt like if he did, that was it. That was the end, and he wasn't ready.

 

It was crazy. This past month had been the most intimate they had been in too long a time. During the month, Dean had really looked at his husband. He had to looking at that beautiful face he had loved since the first time he laid eyes on it. Those oh so kissable lips, and those ocean blue eyes. He remembered how much he loved Cas' husky voice. He remembered all the reasons he loved his husband, and he couldn’t believe he had almost let it slip away. All over someone who just didn’t seem all that spectacular anymore.

 

There was a small giggle, and he looked over to his little girl. "Are you going to put daddy down, Poppa?" she asked as she giggled again.

 

Dean looked at Cas, who was smiling a true smile for the first time in…Wow, how long had it been? "Yeah," Dean said, after clearing his voice. He then carefully put Cas down, and felt light as they looked at each other. On impulse, Dean leaned down, and kissed Cas gently. His heart soared as they reconnected, and god did he feel overjoyed.

 

No words were said as he left Cas where he had put him. He needed to get the kids to school, and then he needed to apologize to Shawn, and explain himself the best he could. He would then pick up flowers, and apologize to Cas, and pray that he would take pity on him, and give him another shot. God he had been so stupid, and all because he forgot to notice the man he loved.

……………………………..

 

Cas closed the door as Dean and the kids drove away. Over the past month he had been feeling relatively okay. He and Dean had reconnected, and tonight he would tell Dean about the cancer. He didn’t want too, because he felt like he was going to put a damper on everything, but he had too. Not to tell him or the kids would be unfair.

 

Cas wanted to sweep today, but as he went to the closet, he suddenly felt too tired. Maybe he would sleep a little first, then sweep. Changing course, Cas started for his room. Breathing became harder, and the pain in his chest hit him like a semi-truck. The pain took him down, and the last thing he saw before dying was a pair of perfect green eyes.

……………………………………

 

"Cas!" Dean yelled as he discarded the flowers, and ran over to Cas. He pulled Cas to him, as fear made his blood run cold. Cas' skin was too cold, and his color was off. "Cas?" Dean said, giving him a light shake. This couldn’t be happening. It just could be happening. "Cas, please!" he begged, even though he knew he was too late. Cas had no heartbeat, and he wasn't breathing.

 

"No," Dean said, as he began to cry. This wasn't fair. This wasn't right! Anger and regret built in his chest until he couldn’t contain it. His head fell back as he let out an inhuman scream, that was accompanied by sobs. "Oh God," he sobbed. "I love you," Dean said, putting his cheek on Cas'. "I'm so sorry I forgot that. I'm so sorry I never got to make it up to you. I love you. I love you. I love you." Dean said, repeating those three words until his voice grew horse. Yes, he did love Cas, and now he would never have the chance to prove it.

……………………………

 

Two weeks later Dean sat at the dining table, looking down at the letter in front of him. It was hand written from Cas, and was given to him by his brother, Sam. Cas had apparently reach out to Sam for legal assistance. Cas had known he was going to die. It was another gut wrenching discovery to learn that Cas had found out he hand stage four cancer the same day Dean had told him he wanted a divorce. Cas had written three letters. One to Dylan to open on his eighteenth birthday. One for Bailee on her eighteenth birthday, and on for him for whenever he was read.

 

Dean sat there looking at the envelope with his name written across it in Cas' amazing handwriting. Just another thing Dean had forgotten he loved. After sitting there for over an hour, Dean shakily picked up the envelope, and carefully slid out the letter. With shaky hand, he unfolded the letter, and read…

 

Dear Dean,

 

If you are reading this, it's because I have passed. In light of recent events, I find myself unsure what to write. When I found out I had stage four cancer, my first thought was how you were going to handle it. I knew I was scared out of my mind, but you had always been so protective of me, it worried me. Part of me didn’t want to tell you, but I knew that would be unfair. So, I had intended on telling you that very same night, but instead you had beat me to the telling of bad news. You asking for a divorce hurt my heart worse than learning of the cancer.

 

I suppose I shouldn’t have been that surprised. I knew about Shawn. Or at least I suspected. I guess I had hoped that it was just a phase, and you would come back to me. I guess it was wistful thinking on my part. But still, as I sit here and write this, I'm hopeful that we can work things out. This is the reasoning behind you carrying me to the door every morning. Life has gotten in the way. We have both forgotten to take time with each other. I stopped putting effort into engaging you, and you likewise stopped seeing me. We had just become roommate who had children. I didn’t want things to end this way, so I do hope that my plan worked. Because I never stopped loving you, even if I forgot to tell you that.

 

I'm sorry I stopped giving you love. It takes to mess up a relationship, and I just got so caught up in life, I didn’t realized that we were drifting. I stopped wanting to be intimate with you. I was always too tired, or had a headache. I drove you into the arms of another man, and for that I'm truly sorry.

 

I planned on telling you at the end of thirty days of my Cancer. If for some reason I have passed before that time is up, I'm so truly sorry. I never meant to go without warning, but I needed those days to just love you. I love you Dean. I love you so much.

 

I gave Sam this letter, and a letter each for Dylan and Bailee the day after I wrote them. I plan on writing more, and putting them in my top dresser drawer. If they are there, please fallow directions. There are some that need to be open as specific times.

 

For now, I have said all I can say. If you are reading this, and no longer love me, then my other letters may not matter much, but I will write them anyway, for they will be what's in my heart.

 

I love you always,

 

Cas

 

Dean whipped away tears as he put the letter away. Never, he promised himself, never will he take anything for granted again. He vowed from this moment on he would cherish every moment with the ones he loved. Never again will he forget all the reasons he loved Cas. Even if it was too late. Cas would be in his heart forever more.

 

"I love you," Dean whispered as he thumbed away another tear. And isn’t it funny that it took Cas dying for him to truly realize everything he had? It was just another way life kicked you in the ass. You truly never knew what you had until it was got, and Dean had everything, and more.


End file.
